GAME FAILS 3:16 EDITION: WWE 13

    For some reason I was naive enough to think that Yuke's and Cory Ledesma would turn things around after last year's fuck up. This game has set wrestling games back about 5 years if not more. I have nothing but disrespect for this game's creators, you keep pushing and this was the last straw. I've completely given up any type of hope for this series as I HOPE more people will. I didn't bother playing universe mode or any of that other bullshit, spending 3 days loathing every second of the  Attitude Era(AE) mode was quite enough. I will be referring to it throughout this review, but feel free to check out the notes I took while playing the game. I wanted to start with the new garbage for those mainly interested in it. This is going to be a long ass read so either grab a damn snack or shut the hell up about TL;DR.

 

     Ok so let me start off by saying none of that bullshit in the video is true. The crowd sounds dead as all hell, I have not heard a single pop that even let me know there was an audience. In fact, the audio is so fucking bad that it randomly drops during attacks. I hit a guy with a chair til it broke and there was not a sound to be made. HOW DO YOU FUCK UP AUDIO???? OMG moments are not fucking new. You take the things you took out since SvR 07-09 and threw a name on them ya fuckin jackasses. The commentary is the same dry, repetitive garbage you expect since it debuted in these games. The predator system improved the reversals and the amount of them, that is all. The game still uses the same canned animations for reversals that it has since WWF SMACKDOWN! There's only ONE thing to respect about finishers this year and that's Stone Cold's new stunner, everything else is so fucking lame.

 0/5 Attitude Era  

     Stone Cold is all over this game and I'm glad he's not a gamer because this bullshit is a mockery of him AND the AE. Learn from nba 2k11, that's the direction this game could've gone to be successful, not even just with SCSA, any wrestler that was on top in that era. The rock is hot right now still, it could've been him!! In this mode you play out matches following the wwe title from the montreal screw job to WM15, a bare bones ass summary of the AE. There could and should be a lot more to it. It is NOT enjoyable whatsoever, all I remember is wondering where the fuck the forklift was and why the hell is part of a match not included in their stupid little objectives that are annoying as fuck to do. YOU MADE LEGENDS OF WRESTLEMANIA, which was damn near spot on in recreating matches from the past, HOW DO YOU FUCK THIS UP???? 

-9,001/5 Roster

     This year is all about the attitude era, everybody knows the AE was about the roster. This ice cream social of a list is complete and inexcusable garbage. The modern day roster is missing an ASS LOAD of active wrestlers. What? They apparently do rosters in January. What? People that should be in the game, are scheduled dlc 2 months from now. What? There's like 4 divas in the game, not including 2 Lita's. What? the roster has a lot of duplicate filler. What? I said it sucks. What? They're worse than Capcom.

Fail/5 Graphics

     I was going to go into this whole thing about Cory Ledesma saying some shit about how this year has the most realistic wrestler models but I'm sure this graphic speaks for itself. The ps2 models from 6 years ago look better and tna impact completely destroys this game on all levels. There's no excuse. Mind you the models in action move like rubber rock em sock em robots. Stick up their ass included!! SHUCKY DUCKY WHAT THE FUCK!! Fail with the greatest of ease! WWE 13 is definitely not in Book's fave 5.

1/5 Controls

     The least I could do was give a 1. They fixed the reversal thing I was so upset about last year, aaaaand that's it. The new controls are so clusterfucked and extra, as they usually are since they change the controls every year. EVERY SINGLE DAMN YEAR, a new ass control scheme that doesn't make any goddamn sense whatsoever and there is STILL no stamina recovery button. You can no longer mash buttons out of a pin, it's such a pain in the ass to use their stupid meter for kick outs. OH they added quick time events this year. In AE mode there's a QTE whenever you need to perform an attitude moment I think that shit is called, which is nothing but inadvertently hitting the ref.

0/5 Gameplay

    http://www.thesmackdownhotel.com/forum/topic/15303-wwe-13-report-a-glitch-bug-flaw/ You will experience 1 or more of these. This list stays current so if you're reading this after things get fixed, just  know that the game is REALLY fucked up. TYFG!!!

Non-Existing Authenticity

au·then·tic [aw-then-tik]
adjective
1.not false or copied; genuine; real: an authentic antique.
2.having the origin supported by unquestionable evidence;authenticated; verified: an authentic document of the MiddleAges; an authentic work of the old master.
     How can you(@RealCoryLedesma) walk around with your tits out swinging your dick about how authentic the game is and then go ahead and do whatever the fuck you want? This game is a low budget piece of trash if I've ever seen one. Brodeus Clay's entrance isn't even accurate. Let's not talk about Rey Mysterio not having an entrance change for years. HE DOES DIFFERENT THINGS NOW? DO YOU EVEN WATCH WRESTLING??? Sin Cara is also wrong, I can go on for days.

The Bottom Line

     Talk about your hairy psalms, and your anti-gay marriage 3:16, well, Game Breakers 3:16 says this game needs to un-fuck itself. I honestly put this game in my console with good intentions and hoping to enjoy it. Did that happen?? NO. I'm done talking about it right now. If you can not wait for EA or 2k sports to get the WWE license gimme a HELL YEAH!